The Light within

If there’s one part of ourselves that we most often fail to take cues from, despite the small beeps of warning that turn into blaring sirens, it’s our mental health. Our mental wellness is the last area we decide to investigate when we feel something’s amiss, and finally grudgingly look into when we realize no amount of covering it up with false productivity or “busy-ness” is causing it to resolve on its own. I for one, thought I could somehow keep moving forward, clutter my mind with mindless scrolling and unending stimuli, pretend I don’t see the gaping whole in my wellness, and it would eventually just go. An ostrich if I ever saw one!

I’ve had the (mis)fortune of witnessing this spiraling pattern once before in my life, where in the face of a crisis I couldn’t deal with, I did so much sweeping the “dust” under the carpet, relying on anything external, from junk food to mindless friendships to unending tv shows, after all of which I came to a breaking point of cutting myself off from any form of saving myself, from God, family, friends, creativity, and from doing the things I loved most. This past year in particular has been a very difficult one for many of us, the hopelessness and despair surrounding us is enough to test the soundest of minds. If you’re able to read this in the comfort of your home, are healthy and safe, then we should call ourselves blessed for not being at the shorter end of the stick. Yet somehow, I’ve never been able to fully feel grateful for my lack of suffering when I know the sufferings of others are so real. Compassion and empathy are sometimes a bane as much a boon.

This time around, as I sense myself returning to similar patterns as the last time, I want to pull myself out of it before I lose anymore of the days God has given me. And if any of you are going through something similar, I hope this will help you start on your journey of recovery too. Let's begin with the basics.

Self-love.

Self-love is one of the first steps to wholesome mental wellbeing. But, because we are in times where self-love can be a double-edged sword if not discerned in the right sense, it is essential that we learn of love that is rightly anchored on sound principles. And where better to learn the perfect way to love, than from the One who created love itself? What then does it really mean to love oneself? What are the attributes of love?

1. Love is patient, love is kind.

It is crucial to be patient with yourself in this process of recovery and healing, be kind to yourself in the face of your flaws. The symptoms of what you're dealing with can often be frustrating for you and to others around you. Your lack of productivity could be construed as laziness or disinterest, your inability to process difficult news could be seen as indifference, and so on. So, it's essential to learn to be patient and kind to yourself as well as to those around you and to not blame either party for not understanding. After all, we're all just human, and not all of us are trained to understand mental health.

2. Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

I once read that "comparison is the thief of joy", and it truly is. In this age of technology where each second of everyone's life is edited, filtered and put up for all to see, it's easy to constantly feel a sense of disillusionment in oneself. When you compare the backstage reality of your life, to the well presented pseudo-reality of others, you'll always fall short of contentment. Your success in your job won't be as good as that classmate's who seems to be doing a spectacular job, you won't love what you see in your front camera as much without the help of filters anymore, and every other person's marriage, children and family will seem picture perfect as long as you don't see what went on behind the scenes to get that picture out. So learn to love yourself, in that you don't envy what you see of others, don't boast and don't take pride in the moment's gratification that even you may get from portraying your life as perfect out there. This applies to your real life just as much as it does the reel.

3. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

I am usually my worst critic, and I don't fare well under "tough love" as they call it, not even from myself. This is why I often have to remind myself to go back to point one of being patient and kind. The flipside of which is nitpicking at your failures and flaws, being upset, angry and disappointed at your weaknesses and keeping a record of all that you did wrong to bring back to your remembrance so you can mentally torture yourself with it. This kind of self critiquing can be a rock that weighs you down in that pit, and keeps you from climbing out of it. So take a conscious effort to not dwell on the bad, and make it a point to surround yourself with people who understand this principle of love. And again, remember as inward, so outward - If you can learn to apply these traits of love to those around you, it helps to reduce a lot of frustration that comes out of keeping score of wrongs.

4. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

This particular part of the verse always confused me a little bit. What does good and evil have to do in the context of loving someone? And in the journey of finding myself, I've come to realize that loving myself makes me want to be good, to be true, to be honest, to stay away from evil. Just like you wouldn't want a trace of evil to come from the ones you love, slowly but steadily love yourself into that kind of wholesome goodness. All these other facets of evil like hatred, jealousy, gossip, dishonesty etc. create in us a person who finds it difficult both to love and be loved. So, let's try to practice goodness in all its big and small facets however and whenever we can, and that will create in us a spring of love for ourselves, others and life itself.

5. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This is self explanatory and I believe shouldn't be ruined in elaboration. As we would those we love, may we fiercely protect ourselves from all that seeks to ruin us. May we trust our capabilities to rise again, to be well again, to be strong and willful. May we always persevere to be better than the day before, to move step by step, however small they may be, towards the unique design and calling for which we were so lovingly created. And may we never ever lose hope, in ourselves, the purpose of our lives, or the potential that's been put in us. There is always Light at the end of the tunnel, and where there is light, darkness will flee.

6. Love never fails.

In these times of worry and loss all around us, the world needs us at our strongest more than ever before. We are needed to rise up to pray, to help people, to speak up for the voiceless, to lift up the downtrodden. But for us to be there for the world, we need to first be there for ourselves, to make sure we're at our best, because you cannot pour from an empty cup, and cannot serve from an empty vessel. If you can show each of these traits of love to yourself and replenish your mind and spirit, then you won’t fail yourself, and you won't fail those who need you the most.

So, let's begin our journey of recovery with this basic and yet not always easy task of loving ourselves. As I work on this myself and get ready for the next steps of self-help which I hope to share with you, I hope and pray that each of you stay strong, stay loved (by yourself!) and reach for the Light.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

---